My sister, who is the amazing mom of my beautiful two-year-old niece, recently told me about a discussion she had as part of her MOPs group. The message was that the way we represent ourselves and our lives to other moms has an impact on them, and this impact can be positive or negative. For example, have you ever gone to someone's house for a playdate and found it sparkling clean? If you're like me, you probably progress through amazement, disbelief, resignation, and then end up at inadequacy. Because my house is very rarely sparkling, and how does this mom do it, anyway???
So the idea is, be conscious of the image you present to your other mom friends, and try to be as real as possible. Maybe this means that you don't clean your house before your mom friends come over, because their house is most likely not clean, and seeing that yours is might make them feel like they're not doing enough. That is not the message any of us moms needs to hear. Let them see the real you, including the tantrums, the messy bed-head, the dusty piano, and the coupons your child has spent all week cutting and that are now all over the living room floor. Show them poop hanging from the ceiling, if you want. Let them see that you are not perfect, but that you are happy.
It's definitely a challenge for me to not clean before guests arrive. But with this message in mind, I've been ignoring the dusting and leaving some toys out on the floor when I know a mom is coming over. I've also been trying to keep in check the urge to make it seem like I'm on top of everything. Because I'm not, and no one else is either. And trying to pretend otherwise is not helpful to anyone.
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