motherhood is a workout

As I was lying in bed at 5 am the other morning, taking a few more moments before joining my son in the living room to play with Legos, I thought about the fact that I don't exercise. At all. I don't go to the gym, or run, or ride my bike. I don't do yoga or swim laps. I certainly don't do sit-ups. What do I do all day, anyway? And why am I so tired at 8 pm?? That's when I realized that motherhood is, in itself, a workout. My days are full of exercise.   Here are some of my typical physical activities during a day at home.  

Exercise	What It Really Means	Calories Burned1,2	Notes
Dead lift 30 lbs, 25 reps	Lift child up to look through window at Jiffy Lube, onto changing table, in and out of car and shopping cart, etc.	177/hr	Proper technique with this lift involves not bonking child’s head on roof of car while putting them into carseat. [Oops…]
Hand/wrist strength training, 30 min	Push child in swing	177/hr	Am I the only one who feels the burn? Seriously.
Walking, brisk pace, 20 min	Walk through grocery store as fast as you can while pushing ginormous cart that looks like a racecar, which you picked to keep your child happy for as long as possible while you frantically grab whatever groceries you can while he/she is still behaving, which is not going to be that much longer, I’ve got a ticking time bomb in my cart, so get out of my way, lady in a scooter!!	354/hr	For extra calories burned and an arm workout, carry your child while pushing the ginormous cart. Of course, you’d have to be crazy to try this. At this point, I’d just call it a day and pay for whatever I’d accumulated by that point.
Lift and carry 30 lbs, 3 reps	Unload groceries	177/hr
Walking, slow pace, 30 min	Walk down street while child rides bike	118/hr
Walking, moderate pace, carrying 16-24 lbs, 10 min	Carry child’s bike back to your house	354/hr	If you like pain, carry the bike AND your child. If you don’t like pain but your child has refused to walk, just know that you are getting good aerobic conditioning. (Ha! Tell that to my burning arms.)
Aerobics, 30 min	Wild dancing in the living room	413/hr
Full-body circuit, 30 min	Cook meal / wash dishes	236/hr
Wrestling, 15 min	Carry a screaming, kicking, 30-lb child to bed and put on their pajamas	354/hr	I know this one is a stretch. Just go with it.

1. Calories burned were liberally interpreted from http://www.nutristrategy.com/activitylist4.htm.
2. I am not a medical professional, sports expert, or any other person who might actually know anything about exercise and calories. I am simply a mom trying to justify not exercising.

Based on the table above, I estimate I burn approximately 800,000,000 calories (I rounded up) every day just for normal mothering activities. I think I’ll have an extra serving of dessert tonight.