my kind of gardening

In case you are gearing up for warmer weather, here is a step-by-step guide on how I garden:

1. Plant seeds according to package instructions. Set up planter in a brightly lit indoor room.
2. Water thoroughly and diligently.
3. Check frequently for sprouts.
4. Keep checking for sprouts.
5. After a few weeks, when nothing has grown in planter except some mold and a few scrawny seedlings that soon collapse under their own weight, abandon planter.
6. During gardening extravaganza, bring planter outside on a whim and allow toddler to water it, drop it, partially spill it, and fill it with rocks. 

7.  Abandon planter for a few more days. Or weeks.

8.  Notice a robust-looking sprout in planter. What???

Why do my plants only grow when I ignore them? 

Well, maybe it's a fluke. It's the only one in the tray that has sprouted.

I wonder if it's even something I planted. Maybe it's a weed? Or some seed a bird planted? It's a mystery!