This is the second in a series of posts on burnout.
Before we get started, I want to say that I'm so excited about the conversations this topic has sparked already! It also convinced my husband to plan the father-son weekend he's been thinking about. I'm so excited - for all the fun time they will have together, and all the quiet time I'll have (!).
To me, burnout is a fascinating topic and one that is so relevant. This week I want to talk about what burnout is and what causes it.
According to the Mayo Clinic, burnout is a feeling of "a state of physical, emotional or mental exhaustion combined with doubts about your competence and the value of your work." The term "burnout" seems to be largely associated with work in the occupational sense, but I see no reason why it doesn't also apply to the work of parenting, managing a household, and other domestic tasks.
Maslach and Leiter, in their 2008 article "Early Predictors of Job Burnout and Engagement" in Journal of Applied Psychology, list the following risk factors for burnout: lack of control, values conflict, insufficient reward, work overload, unfairness, and lack of community.
Sound familiar?
No control over your work? Check. A parent's life is not his/her own.
Insufficient reward or recognition? Absolutely. Although the slobbery kisses are wonderful, tasks like cooking a healthy dinner are largely unappreciated, and often scorned. Your reward is that you get to clean up that healthy dinner after it has been thrown on the floor.
Unfairness? Who doesn't feel like they are doing more than their fair share of the housework?
And work overload and lack of social interactions are pretty much the definition of "parenting."
Of course, it's a little too easy (and unfair) to pin the burnout blame on our children, who are small and needy, and whose understanding of reality and social norms is still developing. If you think about it, I'll bet you can come up with at least one adult who brings one or more of these elements to your life.
And, in fact, maybe some of the pressure that results in burnout comes from ourselves. I personally add the following stressors to my own mix:
- Parenting guilt in all its many forms. Guilt about work while home with family. Guilt about family while at work. Guilt for taking a lunch break instead of eating at my desk so I can reduce childcare time. For me, this guilt drives the impulse to try to do to much, way more than I have the physical or emotional resources to handle.
- Pressure to succeed in our careers. I feel some pressure or responsibility to succeed in my career, because I know that the women before us worked hard to get us the right to work, and I should appreciate it and take advantage of this opportunity. Leaving a job to raise a family, or even working reduced hours, doesn't fit in with today's model of a working mother who has it all: the beautiful, well-adjusted family and the successful career.
- Taking on tasks I don't need to do. Working parents have a lot on their plate, but I tend to take on additional tasks I probably don't need to do. I clean our house instead of hiring someone to clean it for us. I cook dinner almost every night instead of ordering takeout. I clean or work on a craft project during almost every spare moment.
- Dual income. While we are lucky that, financially, my husband and I don't both have to work, we have decided for now that it is best if we do for the purpose of advancing our careers.
In the next post, we'll take a look at whether burnout is a problem or a fact of life, the health effects of burnout, and who is affected by it.
Your turn: What makes you feel burned out?
